It's a greenhouse and it's now got glass in it

Tuesday was Greenhouse Glazing Day (it was also Cesspit Emptying Day and Drain Survey Day, we believe in packing a lot in) and all went well with plenty of screws, plenty of glass and plenty of weird rubber stripping to cushion the capping. Plenty of everything then, apart from... sealant. Kind of crucial? Yep, we thought so. Which led us to whizzing down to Handyman House (yes, really, it's marvellous, every town should have one) in a hurry for sealant. We popped into Waitrose for supplies (gin and chocolate, thank you for asking) and lowered the tone nicely in our paint and cement spattered outfits. Everyone else had either a long skirt or a scarf (and that was just the men). Guy clutched the sealant so at least he looked like he was in the middle of a DIY job. I just looked scruffy and carried the basket...

It's finished... but....  yes, two buts actually. Oh, is it BUTT? Spelling, eh? Yes, two water-butts for the butt-end of the greenhouse so we can be eco friendly and collect rainwater. Absolutely nothing at all to do with being on a water meter. Nothing at all.

By the evening we were, perhaps not surprisingly, a bit tired so we flopped in front of the telly to watch that much hyped drama thingy with Robbie Coltrane and Julie Walters.  We realised we weren't perhaps entirely on board when, in one particularly tense bit, we both found ourselves wondering if the big circle things over the hob really were extractor fans. And then admiring the pantry style kitchen unit...

We gave up.

There's a huge breeze block wall next to the greenhouse which is bog ugly, but also south facing, so quite useful. We had considered facing it with stone, and we'd also thought about painting it. We settled on trellis so that we can grow things up it - there's already something there, we think it might be a wisteria or two...  So we added trellis, gravel and planted a fabulous jasmine - Guy's birthday present (don't panic, you didn't miss it, it was in June) from the Lovely Caroline (my sister-in-law who does Most Excellent Presents).

All it needs now is a stone step outside, the staging and shelf to be put in place inside and some plants. Of course, we now realise that we've built this lovely greenhouse when we won't actually be living in the cottage next year because we'll be building and it'll be muddy and we'll forget to plant things or grow things and... oh well, it'll be ready for the year after!

Clearly we are presuming we'll be building next year.  We should have heard about planning permission this week but we haven't.  Tense?  Us?

Yep.

It's a greenhouse

Dan* the builder did come back and remove the shuttering, which then left a large bank about to fall into the future greenhouse if it rained.

So we built a retaining wall. It only took us a couple of days work to dig out the bank, find enough bricks, get enough ready-mixed mortar, line it all up and slap them in, all because of Dan*s rather odd base. It's soooo much easier when you get a man in, isn't it?

Mopsi helped, obviously.

In the midst of fixing the wall we had a proper builder round to quote for the work on the cottage - he was lovely, had lots of sensible ideas and he is now our Best Option Builder (so, BOB then). He also, like builder no. 2, told us that it would be virtually impossible to live in the house while it's done. We need to find somewhere to rent...

Then it was back to work on the greenhouse. It was delivered in 13 boxes. Sadly we didn't know which box the instructions were in. We rang the company and they said the box would have a yellow sticker on it. None of the boxes had a yellow sticker on them, so we had to go back to opening all of them in turn and peering into the contents. We found it in - yes, you guessed it - the last box.

Finding the instructions and then similarly hunting for the five bits of metal which made up the base took around an hour. At this rate the build will be finished before the greenhouse...

Today we got cracking properly - up at 8 and straight on with the assembly. We finished it by 1.30 - we have no idea if it's meant to take that long. Oh, and there isn't any glass in it yet...

And of course we want to paint it. Ronseal Willow, since you asked. How long does it take to put a first coat of paint on a greenhouse? Couple of hours?  Nah - FOUR AND A HALF hours.

We've now been on the go for over 11 hours. We wish we had a bathtub...

* The name has again been changed to protect the stupid.

The good, the bad and the ugly...

The good news is that in the past couple of weeks is that we went back to see Welsh Oak Frames and saw our finished 3D house - it's going to be gorgeous! In our minds we can see the finished kitchen, the log burner, the bend in the stairs, the utility room and the lovely music room.

The bad news is that we have met an idiot builder - which in turn led to the ugly.

We were given the name of a local builder who turned out to be the only one who would actually quote for the greenhouse base. The greenhouse was delivered in pieces a week ago when we didn't have a base at all. Dan* turned up on Wednesday, said what he was going to do, and said he'd be back on Friday. To be fair, he did turn up on Friday, but that was where the good bit ended. Having a chat before he started, he found out that we have a major build coming up and he offered to quote. On that basis, and given that he was actually about to do a job for us, you would think the day would go something like this:

1.  He builds a fabulous base.
2.  He says it's taken less time than he thought and knocks something off the bill.
3.  He takes away the rubbish.

Yes, that would be sensible wouldn't it? Instead we got this:

1.  He has got the wrong size shuttering, but decides he'll make do.
2.  He has more aggregate and sand than he needs.
3.  We discuss the measurements and he tells me I've got it wrong. Turns out he has mm and cm confused.
4.  He builds shuttering but doesn't bother to level it.
5.  Because it's too tall, he doesn't have enough concrete to fill it.  He has plenty of aggregate but has run out of cement, but doesn't get any more.
6.  He fills the shuttering to an inch lower than it should be. Well, that's one side - it's an inch and a half on the other side.

He comes to tell us he's finished and we all go and have a look. Words fail us.

The concrete clearly isn't level, it's swimming in water, the shuttering is over an inch higher than the concrete and he says it's going to stay in situ to keep the ground from falling away underneath. Eh? We will trip over it every time we leave the greenhouse. He seems surprised that we weren't expecting the lip of the shuttering and says that the excess water will run off if we drill a hole in the shuttering. He is coming back on Monday morning, at our request, to remove the shuttering. Then, presumably, the whole thing will fall over.

Good grief.

* The name has been changed to protect the stupid.