It's all a bit toilet related....

I'm not quite sure why, but it's been a bit of a bogging week....

The first interesting find was a weird large pile of little squiggly grey things in the paddock - they looked like they had been piped onto the grass. I thought maybe it was buzzard waste, or perhaps something more exotic, and carried two home carefully (on a leaf because I know what it probably was) and started Googling... After 10 minutes of looking at various bird, fox and badger, um, waste, I was feeling distinctly queasy - I don't recommend it! The verdict on our exciting squiggles? Pigeon poo. Hellluva dump for a pigeon.

And then we started on the outside loo... We're not exactly tarting it up, but we would like the rotten door to not be rotten and to be able to open. It's a single brick built structure with a corrugated asbestos roof.

It's not lovely (let's be honest, doing anything to it brings the phrase 'polishing a turd' to mind on an almost constant loop) but it will be a loo and washbasin for the builders while they build, which will save hiring a portaloo. The door was so rotten that it was actually possible to put a hand through it, so we thought we'd change the door. The frame was rotten too so we thought we'd change the frame. We bought lovely treated wood and made a frame - simples. Well, yes, except the brickwork is (a) crumbly and (b) not straight (how is it possible to be ONE INCH out in just over six feet of door frame?? Had they never heard of a spirit level??). We bodged it as best we could, packed the gaps with more wood and used a LOT of filler... Then we painted it and added the door. It actually fits! We're ridiculously proud of ourselves. It's just a shame the door is now stronger than the surrounding brickwork and once the build is finished we will thump it hard with a lump hammer and watch it fall over. We like an outside loo (great for parties) so We Will Rebuild.

On Thursday we mostly looked like this:

Then we had to get clean - we had tickets for a production of My Big Fat Cowpat Wedding at the village hall and the tickets said 'hats and wellies' so we duly obliged:

It was absolutely brilliant - go and see the Kali Theatre if they're anywhere near you! I was particularly pleased that I toned so nicely with the lighting scheme...

Whilst being clean we also made crab apple jelly...

I am now expecting it cut into little squares and served with dauphinoise potatoes (yep, I'm still watching the Great British Menu).

The loo now looks like this (better):

We're still painting as, in our elevated position some 800 feet above sea level, we have been encased in low cloud since about Wednesday.

Still feels like polishing a You Know What though...

Busy bees

It's been a bit of a week really.  We've:

1. Rented a cottage
2. Got the second Planning Permission
3. Found that Atlasta is damp to live in 
4. Visited Grand Designs Live
5. Chosen our Now Not Wooden flooring
6. Ordered a barn.

Now we need a lie down...

Quite by accident (you know how it is, you just look up an empty house online, find it was the result of a bankruptcy, speak to the Manchester agents who want to sell it not rent it then purposely look at others online) we found a cottage nearby to rent. It's cute, it's empty, it's affordable and it's within 2 miles from home. Sorted! We viewed it, which must have been the weirdest viewing the agent had ever dealt with ("Is it damp? No? We'll take it"), signed three tons of paperwork and it's ours to move into when we need.

Cute, huh?  And, more to the point, empty, unfurnished and not damp, so we can shift all our furniture in there and be comfortable while home has seven bells knocked out of it. It also has lovely views out of the bedroom window:

It's near Tintern, our 'new local' pub does a great fish and chips and, rather disconcertingly, has the same wall lights that we have at home. We think we might ask the landlord if he'd like any more...

We didn't actually need to rent anywhere until about January. Or so we thought. But this week we discovered major damp at home, to the extent that I was waking up every day with a headache. To be fair, I had given up the fizzy wine and STILL had the headaches. One dehumidifier later, the fizzy wine is reinstated and (drum roll) no more headaches. Result! And then the boiler broke down. Don the plumber came out on a Sunday to fix it and, whilst we're delighted to have the heating back, the news that although he could replace the pump the motor has only got another month to live isn't so good. So we may be moving sooner than we thought...

Last Sunday evening we also discovered that our second planning permission has been granted. Hooray!! Yes, and on a Sunday. Overtime for Council employees or what? No matter, it means this...

[if the photo looks a little familiar, you're right, I am now repeating old photos]

...can be replaced with something wooden, secure and without holes in the walls. Nice. Today the local agent came along with the chap who is going to fit it. They agreed their lorry will NEVER get round the tight corner on our lane and they may have to lug every component 100 yards from the road. As the fitter was leaving we all walked down to the offending corner and explained which bits we're planning to cut back, at which point he said 'no problem' and we parted happy bunnies. So we've ordered the barn. Delivery should have been possible in 2-3 weeks but the main bloke at the manufacturing plant has been ill so now we're looking at December which is actually fine as the fitter who was free in 2-3 weeks now isn't but he can do December. Christmas in the new barn, anyone?

On Thursday we visited Grand Designs Live at the NEC. We wanted to look at flooring, have a nosey round and get some ideas. We didn't come back with many ideas, but we have found our flooring. We'd been looking at solid wood (which we love but which isn't good with underfloor heating) or engineered wood (like a laminate with a thin strip of solid wood so not the same thing at all and which we don't like but it does work with the underfloor heating). And then we discovered bamboo. We love it!  Sustainable, nice colour, warm to the touch and (best bit) only a third of the cost of either wood solution. HOORAY! Easy to fit too - I think we should do it ourselves, Guy is reserving judgment just yet. To be fair, he has met my 'we can do it ourselves' before and is sensibly very wary.

We're still on the foraging too - this week has been mushrooms, sweet chestnuts, crab apples (for jelly) and blackberries so that I could have a blackberry coulis with my steak. I know, posh or what? Honestly, I'll be asking for a parsnip foam next...

I really should stop watching the Great British Menu...

Oh deer....

It's harvest time and we've had a bumper year...  OK, we didn't actually grow anything and most of it was due to our kind neighbours going on holiday for 5 weeks and leaving us in charge of their vegetable garden, but still, it's been a bumper year!

This was beans and raspberries from the neighbours' veg plot, and also mushrooms from the woodland near home. Guy is very good at mushrooms - he knows what's edible and what's not. I've pretty much given up since I proudly (and very carefully) carried home from a run a 'Parasol' mushroom (edible, very nice, shrinks a bit on cooking) only to have him say that it was a 'Panther Cap' (not so edible - not fatal but would give you a nasty stomach ache). And I was soooo proud of my find...

I did at least know enough to leave this one behind:

It's a 'Fly Agaric' - typical of fairy tales everywhere and definitely not edible. Well, it is if you don't mind the hallucinations afterwards... not even the magic mushroom kind, just hallucinations. But it is a beauty! All it needs is a small pixie sitting on it...

We've also had damsons from our hedge and blackberries from the brambles. We could have eaten them with ice cream. Or....

We're not the only ones enjoying the fruits of the countryside.

So are the deer...

Our neighbours (the ones with the veg patch) have everything in their garden eaten by deer. So far it's just the evergreens.

If they reach as far as the roses there'll be trouble....

To bee or not to bee?

We've been busy little bees this week... no sooner had we got back from Vienna (still can't tell you what we did there because we'd still have to kill you) than we were off again (locally) on a two day sustainable beekeeping course. We think we'd like to keep bees.

We now know a bit more about queens, workers (female, do all the work) drones (male, only useful for mating) and hives, of which there are lots of types.

We also tried on bee suits. Actually not so much 'tried them on' as 'wore them when we met the bees'.

Can you tell who it is yet?

Very fetching, eh? We may be looking at mutual Christmas presents here...

With the hives, you can have uppy downy ones...

or long vaulting horse ones...

We're going to be natural beekeepers. No, that doesn't mean we do it with no clothes on (that's a TOTALLY different kind of beekeeping) but rather that we won't interfere with the bees - we'll just let them get on with what bees do, because they're really rather brilliant at being bees all on their own.

We'll build a hive over the winter (maybe two) then wait for a swarm needing a new home in the spring. We'll then pretty much ignore them for the rest of 2017, just checking that they have enough honey to eat before the winter and, if we're lucky, we might have some spare honey to harvest the following April. We'll plant the right kind of plants (dandelions - YAY, we can grow those!) and cultivate clover in the paddock.

We've decided we'll go for the long vaulting horse type of hive.

Only ours are going to be slightly re-designed...

We're not all here...

This blog is being typed on my mobile with just the one finger as we're away from home... We're in Vienna! I could tell you why but then I'd have to kill you... We've been sworn to secrecy by the BBC. Oops I've probably already said too much...

Before we started on our globetrotting adventure we were mostly trying to sort out somewhere to rent - this is becoming more pressing because WE GOT PLANNING PERMISSION WOO HOO!!! This means that we really can start proper planning, and although it will still be 2 months before we get building regs drawings, we can start to plan things like creating a hard standing for the building materials, removing the porch and knocking down the old lean-to. Although we need the new barn built before we can knock the lean-to down, and we're still awaiting planning permission on that one... Not that we haven't got a builder lined up for the barn - he should be visiting in mid October to talk about building the barn in November. Nothing like getting ahead of ourselves, eh?

The conservatory will also be removed but it's in pretty good nick - anyone want a conservatory?! Seriously! I'm thinking of putting it on EBay... Although it has to be empty and before it can be emptied we need the barn to put things in. Sigh.

We will learn patience. We will...